OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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