it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
