Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just invented taco cereal.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
