We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
