I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
