I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
