Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
