Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
