i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
