Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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