were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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