Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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