I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
