i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
