Yo dont text me then not text me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
