I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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