I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
