I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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