Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
