So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
