so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can't motorboat a personality
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
