wanna go halves on a baby?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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