I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
