She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
