Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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