Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
