In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
