Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
