I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
