I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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