Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
