considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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