So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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