so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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