she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
