And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Damn victory sex feels great
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
