Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
