Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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