Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
