The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
