Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
