i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
