three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm having to shit out rocks
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