I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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