He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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