Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
