Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
