i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
4 words: hood of his car
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
