Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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