so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think brook has ever known best
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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