then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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